Please speak up!

Trigger warning: I’m discussing the Epstein Files today - but I won’t be talking about the sexual assault of children.

A couple years ago I was presenting an update on diversity in computing during a workshop session and a male leader of the group questioned the research I cited.

He said, “I just really don’t think you can say women are experiencing sexism and it’s causing them to leave STEM.” He then went on to explain that in fields such as Chemistry they now have over 50% women so therefore sexism wasn’t driving women out, and talked about his own experiences in the field.

The entire room took a collective silent gasp and listened in discomfort as he continued ranting. He didn’t respond to my more gentle facilitative efforts to get him to stop talking or the stories shared by his colleagues about their own experiences. After a couple minutes I had to cut him off from speaking.

His complete devaluing of not only research but also some of the stories shared in rebuttal to his rant came to mind immediately when I read the 19th News article about how Epstein contributed to the exclusion of women in STEM.

tldr: He actively demeaned women’s intelligence and ability to contribute in STEM, and told his male friends to exclude women from high-profile science events while funneling millions of dollars toward male researchers.

At this point none of that is all that surprising.

But what continues to kill me about all the Epstein stuff is that no one stood up to him.

There are so many emails with all these guys agreeing with him.

And the resources women never had access to because of this mindset is staggering. Millions of dollars. Book deals. Lab sponsorships. Visibility.

Sometimes the sexism looks like a rant in front of a room. Often it looks like having to try So. Much. Harder. to succeed.

It’s Women’s History Month, so lots of folks are talking about how great women are, and celebrating them. And that’s great. I love that.

But I want to add to the conversation - don’t be that guy.

If someone says something inappropriate in person, or in an email, SAY SOMETHING.

You don’t want to be the person who is memorialized on the internet for something nasty he wrote in an email, or who is remembered as that guy who went on a rant in front of 60 colleagues. And especially don’t be the one who defends that guy.

The very real sexism impacting women (and people of color, and people with other excluded identities) only gets better when those of us who are in the room when stuff like this happens speak up.

On Tuesday I’m presenting a short workshop on how to be an ally as part of Women in Construction week. We’ll discuss what bad behavior looks like and how to speak up when you see it. 

I’ve still got space in my schedule for one or two online workshops in March, and on-site in April and beyond. If you think this could help your organization, please reach out.

Take good care,

~AJ